Fragile

With my grey hairs comes a softness from within that I have felt growing with age.

This softness has developed sometimes from gentle loving experiences and sometimes from deep pain.

Recently, I had been violated and I was so caught off guard by this thief, that I didn’t even have the courage to put up a boundary.

After the less than two-hour encounter, I was left feeling helpless, stupid, and emotionally raped. Physical rape is something that I cannot imagine because this social rape was already something terribly violating.

I have taken two self-defense courses, was brought up in a loving home, have no stressors in life…and yet, after all this, I was left feeling pure RAGE and I was ready to lash out at the world.

I almost went live on Facebook to say “F— YOU WORLD”. And I meant it. I was done with humanity.

My husband and my parents thought I was just frustrated with work. No. I didn’t even know how much rage and anger was inside.

I didn’t even know how to tell my husband or parents why I was so angry. I was angry with myself because I felt so helpless….and stupid.

At 3:46am that night, I woke up for no reason and kept looking over at my husband, Jacky, with the hope that he would wake up so I could talk with him and maybe somehow he could explain to me what had just happened to me the day before.

He woke and I still didn’t have the courage to even know where to begin telling what had happened. Eventually he came over and kissed me all over my face like he does every morning and I spilled it all…every ugly detail.

I cried tears that needed to escape. Tears of anger. Tears of feeling stupid and helpless. He laid down and let me hug onto him so tight.

I kept saying…”Why did I allow this to happen to me?”

He said, “You are very kind and you did the right thing. That person caught you off guard and now you know how to protect yourself from that person.”

Like a salve, he healed my raw inflammed wound. I’ve never felt so relieved.

So I learned that people that are angry are people that have been hurt.

A week later, one of my friends on Facebook posted this…

People like me are too confused and raging to know that we need one of those “FRAGILE HANDLE WITH CARE ” stamps on us to let people know we need nothing but CARE…

BUT..

when we see people as the Lord Jesus Christ sees people…it is quite easy to see the stamp of FRAGILE HANDLE WITH CARE on…. EVERYONE.

As always, Look with Intention

XO, Jen